(An actual soliloquy overheard
on a typical High School campus. I swear. I would never make
something like this up. Well, actually I didn't hear it myself,
but a friend of a friend . . .)
Wow, I can't believe Summer's
over already! I am so not ready to deal with school, you don't
even know. How was your Summer? Me, I dunno - nothing much happened
. . . did hear some cool stories, though. And they're all true!
See, for instance, I was hanging
out with one of my cousins a lot this summer, and her best friend's
sister used to babysit? And one night about a year and a half
ago she went to sit for this family that had two kids, five and
seven, and she puts them to bed and kicks back to watch TV, when
the phone starts ringing. And each time, there's a guy on the
other end who just keeps laughing. This goes on for a while.
So anyway this keeps happening
and she's thinking should I call the cops? So she calls the operator,
who tells her that if the guy calls again to keep him on the
phone so they can trace it? So she waits fifteen minutes and
the guy calls back, and she keeps him on as long as she can and
then right after he hangs up the phone rings, and it's the operator,
and the operator says "Get out of the house right now!"
and she says "Why?" and the operator says "Because
the man is calling from the upstairs phone!"
And she runs out and the police
come and find the man sitting on the floor upstairs next to the
bodies of the children.
Then my Mom has a friend, who's
a nurse, and one day a woman was rushed into the hospital where
she worked, in shock. She and her husband had I guess stopped
for fast food chicken, and the wife started complaining that
it tasted funny - I guess they were in their car. Anyway, finally
the husband turns on the light in the car, and it turned out
that she was eating a fried rat, and she fainted right there
and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think they sued for like
a million dollars.
Oh, and about four years ago
my best friend's mom was just leaving some friends, and it was
late at night, and she noticed there was a car right behind her,
and it was real late - 2 in the morning, I think. Anyway she
started driving, and got onto the highway, and the car kept following
her, and kept flashing its brights, and she tried to lose it
but it followed her, right on her heels, all the way home, and
when she pulled into the driveway it swerves in right behind
So she starts laying on the
horn, and her husband comes out, and then the guy in the other
car gets out and her husband grabs him and is all set to wail
on him, when the guy says "I was on my way to work, but
when I got in my car I noticed, as I turned on my lights, that
there was a man's head just ducking out of view in her back seat."
She said that he said that
all the way home the guy would start reaching out from the back
seat with a knife or something, so he flashed his brights to
scare him back down. So they caught the guy, who was still in
the back seat.
(The preceding tales have been
told for generations, mostly by teenagers, and have their roots
in tales hundreds of years old. They are always told as if they
had actually happened to a friend of a cousin of the person telling
the story. As a matter of fact, the first of these tales was
told to me by one of my brothers - probably Mike - who swore
it had happened to an old neighbor from Palos Verdes. It being
back-to-school time, this sort of thing seemed appropriate -
as well as a neat little segue into my favorite time of the year,
folklore-wise. Yes, friends, it's almost HALLOWEEN!